How to Help Your Child Develop a Growth Mindset Around Failure
What If Failure Wasn’t Something to Avoid, but Something to Celebrate?
Your child tries something new… and it doesn’t go well.
The tower falls. The test score is low. The drawing doesn’t look like they imagined.
They frown. “I’m not good at this.”
Or worse: “I’ll never be good at this.”
As a parent, it’s hard to see your child discouraged. You want to lift them up, but how?
The answer may lie not in avoiding failure, but in reframing it. Teaching your child that mistakes are part of learning, not signs that they’re not smart or capable, is one of the most powerful gifts you can give them.
So how can we nurture a growth mindset in our children? With a belief that abilities grow through effort, curiosity, and reflection, not just talent. Grounded in research by psychologist Carol Dweck and others, this approach will help your child build resilience, confidence, and a lifelong love of learning.
What Is a Growth Mindset, and Why Does It Matter?
A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities can improve with effort and practice.
In contrast, a fixed mindset assumes your skills and intelligence are static, you either have it or you don’t.
Dr. Carol Dweck’s decades of research at Stanford University show that children with a growth mindset:
- Embrace challenges
- Bounce back from setbacks
- Put in more effort
- Are more motivated and confident in learning
The mindset your child adopts influences how they interpret failure, and whether they give up or try again.
Watch Your Words: Praise the Process, Not the Person
Children quickly internalize the kind of praise they receive. Saying “You’re so smart” may seem helpful, but it can backfire when kids hit a challenge, suddenly, not getting something right feels like proof they’re not smart after all.
Instead, praise their effort, strategy, persistence, and growth.
Try This:
- ✅ “You worked really hard on that!”
- ✅ “You tried a new way, that was brave.”
- ✅ “I noticed you kept going, even when it was tough.”
Avoid:
- ❌ “You’re the best at this!”
- ❌ “You’re a natural!”
- ❌ “That was so easy for you!”
These fixed-mindset messages can make children risk-averse and fearful of struggle.
Normalize Struggle: It’s How Learning Happens
Many kids assume if something is hard, it means they’re not good at it.
But neuroscience shows that struggle activates brain growth, especially when kids push through and reflect on mistakes.
When children try, fail, and try again, they engage the prefrontal cortex, building neural pathways that support perseverance, emotional regulation, and long-term memory.
Actionable Tips
- Tell Brain Stories: “Your brain is like a muscle, it gets stronger every time you practice something hard.”
- Use Growth Words: “You’re not there yet, but you’re learning.”
Reframe Mistakes as Information
Instead of seeing failure as the end, help your child see it as a source of feedback. What didn’t work? What might they try differently? What did they learn about themselves?
Create a Mistake-Friendly Culture
- Model Mistakes: Say, “Oops! I forgot the grocery list. Next time, I’ll put it by the door. What could I do differently?”
- Share Family “Fails of the Week”: At dinner, each person shares one thing that didn’t go well and what they learned from it.
- Ask Reflective Questions: “What surprised you? What would you try again in a new way?”
Use Failure Stories from Famous Figures
Normalize failure by talking about people your child admires, athletes, artists, scientists, who failed many times before they succeeded.
Examples:
- Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
- J.K. Rowling received a dozen rejections before Harry Potter was published.
- Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
These stories show that failure isn’t shameful, it’s part of success.
Create Safe Zones for Risk and Play
Children need environments where it’s safe to experiment without judgment, where the goal isn’t to “win” or “perform,” but to explore and grow.
How to Do This:
- Limit Outcome-Based Praise: Celebrate effort over trophies.
- Encourage Open-Ended Play: Let kids build, invent, and mess up freely without pressure.
- Protect Downtime: Unstructured time gives kids space to take risks without fear of evaluation.
Be a Growth-Minded Parent
Your own mindset matters. If your child hears you say, “I’m just not good with technology,” or “I always mess this up,” they’ll learn that ability is fixed.
Practice Growth Mindset Language Yourself
- “I haven’t figured this out yet, but I’m working on it.”
- “This is hard, and I’m proud I haven’t quit.”
- “It’s okay to not know. That’s how I learn.”
Your willingness to grow will show your child what’s possible.
Help Them Rewrite the Story of Failure
Failure isn’t the enemy. It’s the soil where resilience grows.
When your child learns to say, “I’m still learning” instead of “I can’t”, everything changes.
They stop avoiding hard things.
They stop seeing mistakes as proof they’re not good enough.
They start to see challenges as part of the journey.
And you become not just their cheerleader, but their guide, walking with them through struggle, reflection, and steady growth.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Love, joy, and respect to you, always!
