How to Respond When Their Dreams Scare You
When Their Dreams Push Your Panic Button
One day it’s astronaut.
The next, a world-famous YouTuber.
Then: “I’m going to live in the jungle and train lions!”
Children dream wildly, and beautifully. But as a parent, these big declarations can land with a thud in your gut. What if they get hurt? What if they fail? What if you’re raising someone with no sense of reality?
You want to support their imagination, but you also want to protect them, from disappointment, danger, or delusion.
Here’s the truth: your response in these moments can shape your child’s relationship with creativity, courage, and self-belief for life.
Let’s learn how to balance support with grounded guidance, how to nurture big dreams while staying connected to your child’s emotional world (and your own). You’ll discover what the research says, how to check your reactions, and how to respond with curiosity, connection, and long-term wisdom.
Recognize What Big Dreams Really Mean
When your child says they want to be a ninja-chef-popstar-president, they’re not mapping out a literal future. They’re expressing:
- Wonder
- Aspiration
- A desire for recognition, purpose, or power
- A testing of identity
Dreams in childhood are symbolic. They’re playful experiments with possibility. Even if they’re unrealistic, they serve an important developmental role.
According to psychologist Erik Erikson, children go through stages of identity formation where they explore roles and imagine futures. The more freedom they have to imagine, the more confident and adaptable they become later in life.
Your First Job: Be Curious, Not Controlling
When your child shares a big (or bizarre) dream, resist the urge to correct, laugh, or dismiss. Instead, get curious.
What This Might Sound Like
- “Wow, that’s an exciting idea! What makes you want to be a lion tamer?”
- “What do you imagine your life would look like if you were a YouTuber?”
- “What would be the best part of that job for you?”
Curiosity invites connection. And connection keeps the conversation open, not shut down.
Notice When Your Own Fears Take the Wheel
Sometimes, it’s not the dream itself, it’s the fear it stirs up in you. Will they be safe? Will they have enough money? Will people take them seriously? What if they’re rejected?
When fear drives your reaction, your child may interpret your concern as criticism or rejection.
Try This Instead
- Pause and breathe before responding. Ask yourself: What’s really bothering me here?
- Acknowledge your feelings honestly but gently: “I feel a little nervous when I imagine you doing that job, but I love hearing what excites you. ”
- Separate your story from theirs. Your child is not repeating your mistakes, or anyone else’s.
Affirm the Heart of the Dream
Even if you doubt the literal job (“There aren’t many lion taming positions open these days…”), you can affirm the desire behind the dream.
Maybe your child is drawn to:
- Danger? → Courage
- Fame? → Being seen or heard
- Animals? → Connection to nature
- Performance? → Creativity and expression
By identifying the deeper motivation, you can support their growth while staying rooted in reality.
Actionable Tip
Say something like:
“I love how brave and adventurous you are. That’s such a powerful part of who you are, and I can’t wait to see where that takes you. ”
Introduce Reality Gently, Without Crushing Spirit
You don’t need to say, “That will never happen. ” But you also don’t need to say, “Sure! You’ll definitely be famous by next year. ”
Instead, meet imagination with exploration.
What This Might Sound Like
- “That sounds amazing. Want to learn more about what lion tamers actually do? ”
- “YouTuber? Let’s explore how people start and what skills they use. You could try making your own video!”
- “You want to be president? That’s a big responsibility. What kind of leader would you want to be? ”
This approach respects the dream and gently introduces complexity.
Embrace the Long Game: It’s Not About This Dream, It’s About Their Drive
Kids’ dreams shift constantly. Today it’s lion taming. Tomorrow it’s marine biology. Then it’s opening a donut museum.
The goal is not to get your child to “pick something realistic” now. The goal is to encourage their curiosity, perseverance, and belief in themselves, traits that serve them in any future.
According to Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset, kids who feel encouraged to try, explore, and fail without shame become more resilient and capable long-term.
Check Your Language: Avoid Labels, Encourage Process
When kids hear:
- “That’s ridiculous. ”
- “You’ll grow out of that. ”
- “That’s not a real job. ”
…they internalize shame and begin to censor their creative instincts.
Instead, offer:
- “Tell me more about that idea. ”
- “What steps do you think someone would take to do that? ”
- “I can see how passionate you are. Let’s keep learning together. ”
Let Their Dreams Breathe
Your child’s dreams are not final declarations. They are windows into how they see themselves, and how they hope to be seen.
When you meet these moments with curiosity instead of control, support instead of sarcasm, and guidance instead of fear, you’re not just protecting them. You’re helping them grow into brave, creative, resilient humans.
You don’t have to believe in the dream.
You just have to believe in your child.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Love, joy, and respect to you, always!
