Why Emotional Intelligence Begins With Words
Big Feelings, Small Vocabulary
Your child throws a toy across the room.
Or bursts into tears after something small.
Or suddenly clings to you, unable to say why.
You ask, “What’s wrong? ”
And they say, “I don’t know. ”
That not knowing isn’t defiance or drama, it’s a gap in skills. Kids often feel their emotions intensely, but can’t express them clearly, because they don’t yet have the words.
That’s where emotional intelligence begins.
Before children can regulate emotions, show empathy, or solve conflicts peacefully, they need to do one crucial thing: identify and name what they’re feeling.
Would you like to learn why naming emotions is the foundation of emotional intelligence, and how it supports brain development and behavior, and some simple ways to teach this vital skill every day?
Let’s go!
Emotional Intelligence Begins with Awareness
Emotional intelligence (EQ) isn’t just being “nice” or “calm. ” It includes:
- Recognizing emotions in yourself and others
- Naming those emotions accurately
- Understanding why they happen
- Managing emotions constructively
- Responding to others with empathy
But it all starts with step one: awareness.
A child can’t manage what they can’t identify. Giving them a vocabulary for their feelings builds the first block of lifelong emotional resilience.
The Brain Science: “Name It to Tame It”
Neuroscientist Dr. Daniel Siegel popularized the phrase “Name it to tame it,” based on research showing that when children label a feeling, the brain’s emotional centers begin to calm down.
Why? Because naming a feeling engages the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for regulation, logic, and decision-making.
In other words, when your child says “I feel sad,” they begin to shift out of reaction and into reflection.
Kids Aren’t Born With Emotion Words, They Learn Them From You
Children are highly emotional beings, but emotion vocabulary doesn’t develop automatically. It must be modeled, taught, and repeated.
What You Can Do
- Narrate Your Own Emotions: “I’m feeling frustrated because we’re running late. ”
- Label Theirs With Curiosity: “It looks like you might be feeling disappointed. Is that right? ”
- Validate Before You Fix: “That makes sense. I’d feel upset too if my tower fell. ”
Expand Their Emotional Vocabulary
Most young kids start with basic labels: happy, sad, mad. But as they grow, a richer vocabulary helps them express themselves more accurately, and understand others more deeply.
Try Introducing Words Like:
- Frustrated
- Nervous
- Embarrassed
- Excited
- Grateful
- Overwhelmed
- Hopeful
- Lonely
Each new word is a new tool in their emotional toolbox.
Tools to Help Kids Name Their Feelings
Kids learn best through visuals, play, and repetition.
Practical Tools:
- Feelings Charts: Hang one on the wall with expressive faces and emotion words.
- Books: Read stories that explore emotions and pause to ask, “How do you think they feel? ”
- Emotion Dice or Cards: Use them during calm moments to talk about when you’ve felt each one.
- Draw Their Feelings: Ask them to show what an emotion looks or feels like with color or shapes.
Why Naming Emotions Helps With Behavior
When children can name their feelings, they’re more likely to express them verbally instead of through tantrums, outbursts, or shutdowns.
Studies in Developmental Psychology show that children who are taught to label emotions:
- Have fewer behavioral challenges
- Recover from stress faster
- Show more empathy and conflict-resolution skills with peers
Naming emotions doesn’t just help kids feel better. It helps them act better too.
Model Repair When You Miss the Mark
Even adults struggle to name their feelings clearly. That’s okay. One of the best ways to teach your child emotional vocabulary is to model self-correction.
Try This:
- “Earlier I said I was mad, but actually, I think I was feeling overwhelmed. ”
- “I acted impatient, but now I realize I was actually worried about something else. ”
This helps children see that emotions are layered, and that naming them is a lifelong practice, not something they’re expected to master overnight.
Name the Feeling, Change the Story
When your child can name what they feel, they gain power.
Not the power to avoid emotions, but the power to understand, express, and move through them.
They learn that sadness is okay. That anger has a reason. That joy is worth celebrating.
They learn to reflect before they react.
They learn that emotions don’t have to control them, and neither do you.
So next time your child is melting down or shutting off, resist the urge to fix it fast.
Pause.
Sit with them.
And help them find the word.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Love, joy, and respect to you, always!
